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Cozy house adventures: I’m now a landlord Chad!
♫ I’d rather be caught livin’ cozy in muh shack,
A shack inna woods instead of in da hood,
No cotton-pickin’ paper money held up inna bank,
Prepped for the Feds end with silver in the tank!
Under water that is... with the fish... cold. ♫
The Ballad of CozyBroz
Yeah, das rite bros... Landlord Chad here, wat up?
So this is a more comprehensive blog detailing what all I went thru to buy muh house. It took a long time, but everything has worked out in my favor so far.
Going back, this all began late October. I saw the house show up on Zillow, and it met some of my criteria.
- Location location location!
- Style and age
- Some acreage or potential acreage nearby.
I drove out to take a look at it and find that one side of the house is a disaster. Melted vinyl hanging and some windows damaged; not good. The rest of the house looked alright though, and there was no visible fire damage to the structure, other than the vinyl. I scheduled a walk thru and the inside of the house looked to be in good nuff shape! Nothing at all like the pictures of the other houses that I’ve posted on here before. The property also has a beat up metal barn in the back and a well pump house.
The seller was asking for $100K, which was a bit too much in my opinion so I haggled them down to $90K, figuring that I could try and get it financed. Still, $90K is way too much for the property given its age, location, and depreciated condition. I figured that it would be a stretch to see if it could finance, and their Realtor seemed to think it would. If it worked, then fine nuff with me, I don’t care! I can pay that off in like 5 years so long I’m frugal with muh money; and if it didn’t, then I could use that to negotiate a lower offer in cash.
After a month and a half, of course it failed the appraisal and didn’t finance. The lender seemed a bit upset too, as if I would dare even try to get them to finance such a dump; or at least that was the impression I got from em. Oh well, so be it!
I submitted a form of termination and told their Realtor that since I couldn’t get it financed, that I could give them a cash offer, but that it wouldn’t be nearly as much as what the seller was asking for. The Realtor was disappointed and said that the appraisal didn’t seem right, and asked if I could try another lender. I didn’t really want to since I was getting tired of it, but I have nothing to lose and agreed to try another lender.
After another month, of course if failed the second appraisal too. The lender was also kinda sus and kept calling me bud and buddy. “What’s up bud,” “how ya doing buddy?” Maybe he was Canadian or something?
Also during this time, the insurance agent dropped out on the home owners policy because they didn’t like the melted vinyl and said that I would have to find a provider that would sign for a builders risk policy. I kinda figured that would happen, but wished they were more on the ball with it than deciding two and a half months later!
I don’t actually hold any crypto. Instead, I've just been saving cash. Thought picrel was sorta related to topic. Trying to pad things here.
It’s now January and I’m pretty much fed up with talking to lenders and insurance agents and I wasn’t about to go for round three. The place is obviously in no condition to be financed, which doesn’t really matter much to me either way. This has been more or less a stall tactic to whittle down the asking price and patience of the seller for the long game!
So I terminate the contract and submit a cash offer of $57K. The Realtor puts the house back up on the market to see if they can reel in a better deal, which by this point they’ve missed the boat in selling over priced shid shacks innawoods. About a month goes by and the Realtor asks if I can go any higher. I bump my offer up to $60K and tell him that’s as high as I can go due to what I have in the bank that’ll go toward repairs. The seller accepts a few days later and we sign a new contract!
I quickly call up an insurance agent that I’ve kept waiting on the sidelines for a builders risk policy and get insurance coverage squared away. During closing, there was some delay in processing the wire from the sellers bank. After 24 hours, I was getting mega pissed off thinking they made off like a bandit because they were behaving as if they hadn’t received the funds while my bank said that it was certainly sent! And before any of you ask, I did wire the funds one day in advance to avoid any delays; So essentially, not my fault!
Eventually it cleared, but by this point I was sus as shid and began to wonder if everything wasn’t a setup. I did verify the Realtor's license way back and he was on the up-and-up as well as the property tax records, but I didn’t ever verify the dang Title Company! But it all cleared up and a week later I got my deed and verified it with the county recording office.
Sometime soon I can finally get chickens and schizo larp; it'll be fun bros!
Now that the house is mine, I’ll begin the much needed repairs and restoration ASAP! It’s gonna take a little while to get it back into shape because I don’t have that much money left after buying the place. I did plan to do many of the repairs myself for the outside, but after seeing some recent bank collapses followed up by a bank run and the fed assets balance sheet shoot up even higher to cover for retard depositors and soon to be moar inflation, I’m just gonna blow it all now bros. Nowhere is safu, except for maybe boomer rocks.
I think 2023 might just be the year to spend all of your saved up cash now or forever say goodbye to it, unless the “war” really works out in our favor. Doubtful, but it’s possible.
I hope I can figure out a solar powered well pump setup. If that does become a problem in the future, there is a stream of water about a mile off and a few other sources of water nearby. I would just have to boil it if I were to drink it and accept my fate in knowing that I’ll likely get cancer from pesticide runoff as I get older. Sometimes you win some and sometimes you lose some bros.
Thanks for reading my blog!
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Mar 20, 2023